How to Cook a Turkey

In second grade class today we had the kids write the steps to cook a turkey. This got me thinking.....

Step 1:

Get a turkey egg from the turkey egg store. You can also look
for them in the woods. They look like eggs big enough to hold a young turkey
and are found in nests that look as though they were made by turkeys in woods
where one would expect turkeys to live.

Step 2:

Take your turkey egg home and hatch it. Special note: DO NOT
SIT ON THE EGG. Only turkeys do that. If you try to sit on the egg to get it to
hatch you will only end up with egg-covered pants and Chinese take-out instead
of turkey for dinner.

Feed it corn and other grains until it gets to be about 12
pounds. Do not name the turkey, it will make step three more difficult.

Step 3:

I don’t want to talk about it.

Step 4:

Preheat your oven to 450 degrees.

Step 5:

In a roasting pan place the *gulp* deceased turkey and cover
it with a light coating of oil. Place the pan in the preheated oven. Let it cook
for a long time. Like crematorium long.

Test the turkey for doneness with a thermometer.

If done remove it from the oven. Make gravy in the roasting
pan using flour, water, salt, and pepper. Keep adding flour and water to the pan
until you end up with a gallon or so of a light beige liquid that is the
consistency of 10w40 motor oil.

Step 6:

In a pan on the stovetop melt butter and sauté the
vegetables for your stuffing. When they are done, mix in the bread and herbs, and spices. Arrange in a shallow casserole dish. Place in the oven until the top is crispy.

Boil water to make mashed potatoes. Peel the potatoes, enough
to make a sufficient serving or two for the number of freeloaders, er, guests
you expect for dinner. Boil the potatoes until fork tender, drain, and mash/whip
with butter and a little milk. Set aside.

Make something other than green bean casserole because it is cliché.

Step 7:

Serve and enjoy.

Observe a moment of silence in memory of the former turkey.

Welcome to Yotracosa (now "Here's the Thing")

First off, what is Yotracosa?

It is, quite simply, three Spanish words mashed together to form one. The actual words are "y otra cosa" which translates into "And Another Thing". Make sense yet? No?

Back a couple years ago I had a column which ran in a series of local papers called "And Another Thing..." which was about whatever I wanted it to be about at the moment. The columns had titles like; "Corbusier and the Last Diplodicus" which was about lawn furniture. Kind of gives you a feel. I will put them here too for you to read too.

Anyway, so Yotracosa came about because people were telling me on the street that they missed the column. So along with my blogs on architecture, math, poetry, technology in schools etc, I will be doing this on a projected bi-weekly schedule.

Thanks for stopping by.